what is this fascination

new york is postponed.

daaaaaaaaammnnnnn.

i was too damn excited to contain myself (as you can tell from the previous post), so at a family dinner at the OG i told my parents my well thought-out plans for ny. come to find they really want me to go to grad school considering i get free tuition thanks to good ole' george fuckn bush. ovbiously, grad school was the last thing on my to-do list. but now im not sure if i have a choice. money (or the lack there of) has always driven me to do some pretty drastic things in my life from basically demanding and getting a job to pocketing just about anything. so if i get money bein thrown at me, might as well take advantage of it. especially if its gonna make the parents happy at the same time.

another bright: at least i wont be hustlin for money till the death of me. but now im wondering if the drive will still be as lucid 2 years from now. cus its mostly times like these, this exact moment: 251am, itunes blasting, laptop burning, playing the waiting game for too many things to name that excites my drive to leave. and these moments are only getting lonelier and stronger. but i dread these moments as much as i love them. they kill me as much as i grow from them. and i curse them as much as im thankful for them. but i dont want to live with them forever. and the best solution ive come across so far is to get the fuck out before i come to terms with them.

ive grown such a liking to the idea of packing up and moving away from all the bullshit that i just dont want a better remedy to come up anytime soon. and adding another year only offers more hope for such.

so till then. we play the waiting game.