finals

i really have no idea where my motivation went. back in high school i was on top of my game: ASB for 3 years, officer for numerous clubs, varsity tennis, 4.1 GPA, etc etc. and now, when it really counts, i become lazy as hell. im so close to being done, yet i keep screwing myself over. and the worst thing is: i really dont care. im so out of it. this past quarter was insane. i attended class never. one midterm i didnt study for and fell asleep while taking it then woke up and wrote my professor a lengthy note about why my blue book was blank. and i didnt even show up for my other midterm! and like i said, i just dont care anymore. i dont care. and it saddens me, it scares me, but i honestly dont know how to gain my drive back.

im blaming it on the excessive amount of stuff happening in my life. from school to my internship to 909 to my relationships to my family to God to everything. i dont want to complain, but i dont know how people handle it sometimes. so, i guess i should take that back. im blaming it on myself and my lack of motivation to be proactive and fix my shit. its a dangerous, unhealthy cycle. but i dont know where to start to stop it.

on a ligher note: this past weekend was so much fun!
spent some time out in big bear with some great company. went boarding with some great company. performed and danced with some great company. the time spent with them was much needed. yet again the time spent with them was much needed for studying. you see: dangerous, unhealthy cycle.

more. stay posted.